sugar on the asphalt

i love fashion magazines. but when i read them, I don't think, "what a gorgeous outfit! I have to go out and get it!" I think, "what a gorgeous outfit!" and end it there. I love fashion because I enjoy it from afar.

I love boys. but when I meet them, I don't think, "what a gorgeous [in all senses of the word] guy! i have to go out and get him! he will be mine!" I think, "what a wonderful guy!" and end it there. i don't crush. i ENJOY! i like it better that way, i can focus on good things and not have to worry about the bad things about a guy!


now, we ask: why is this?

#1: because i don't have the money the figure or the attitude to pull off higher fashion
#2: ... because a boyfriend is somehow out of my reach as well, so i just give up?


and herein lie the horrible conclusions you come to after a late night conversation with kate.

shouldn't i have a much easier and carefree life? i don't have the temptation to believe my life will be fulfilling and complete when i have a boyfriend! that is freedom! but i love other people, and i enjoy them in the least sexual/possessive sense of the word, and nobody enjoys me back. and i seek and relish the beauty in others, and there hasn't been any proof that there's any in me.



Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears... Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

[1 Corinthians 13: 8-13]

languid

i tire of blogging. i don't have interesting stuff to write about. or, i do, and i don't want to take the time to write.

so basically if you didn't go to the party last night you're gonna have to talk to someone else. i'm not typing it all here. plus, i had front door duty the entire time, so i wasn't in on the party aspect for the most part.

but yeah. this blogging thing... we'll see... hopefully funny things will start happening to me again so i'll have something (interesting) to write about. until then!


p.s. i am p.m.s.ing like a mofo. i want to kick somebody's ass then make out with them then cry then kick somebody else's ass. all within, oh, 15 minutes? yes please. all at once. i love being a girl.

VANITY

alright, you undapants! this is the most important business of the week:

Thursday night! 9:45 pm!
FUNdraising party
Bring $4 (or more to show love)
1223 W. 23rd (off Hoover, behind the amoco, plan on campus cruiser or walking in a group)

$4 covers means...
*sit on santa's lap
*PUDDING WRESTLING
*awesome partyness!!!
*jungle theme!! rarr (no. seriously. i went to elegance and got a leopard print shirt. yessssss)



YOU MUST COME!!! IT IS GOING TO BE AWESOME!!!

it's official

alejandro is going to be president, and appoint me chairwoman of the federal reserve. in this way, we'll be in a fascist regime, but it'll look like democracy still. alej and i will be cronies, and matias might be a crony, too, if we let him into our crony club. I'm still not certain of the crony-ful things we'll do, because i don't want to embezzle. but i WILL be the hottest 60 year old chairwoman of the federal reserve. and i'll be awesome. i'm also going to adopt two children from canada.


"did you know, matias is adopted."
"alejandro, you're twins!"
"yeah well... we were... separated at birth... my mom abandoned him and kept me. she abandoned the curly haired one!"

n-d e

i almost died today. i let abe drive us to kate's ice hockey game, which means i almost died. ask maddy or allison! and even then, we didn't make it on time to the game. oh well. nothing's really happening, i have way too much homework. bed!

updizzle

because of ultimate and being gone for several weekends in a row, i am way behind on work and have no time to update or anything (or really have a life for that matter, so don't worry, you're not missing anything).

what i will say is this...

KEEP THE NIGHT OF MARCH 3RD OPEN. AND START SAVING YOUR MONEY. you'll need at least $4... more info to come...

"Harlem" (Langston Hughes)

What happens to a dream deffered?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

miss universe

i chose the "fight on" one. john was like, "you should photoshop one"- AS IF I WEREN'T BREATHTAKINGLY GORGEOUS ALREADY! some brother...

anyhow, i'm leaving for arizona tomorrow. i'll be back for president's day.


and if i don't see you-- good afternoon, good evening, and good night!

pageant

i'm applying to be an intern this summer in children's ministries at my home church. i have to attach a picture.

and here in lies the problem!! which should i pick? and please tell me- i spent almost an hour trying to figure out how to post pictures... freaking technology...

Option #3

Option #2

Option #1 

the wife of noble character

what are you going to major in? i don't know. there are so many things out there! i don't even know what i like!

what are you going to do with your life? i don't know. shouldn't i choose a major first? or shouldn't i know what i want to do before i choose a major? or shouldn't i be at the place in my life now where i have at least a vague idea of where i'm going.

what are you going to wear tomorrow? i don't know. i did laundry last night, so my options are many.

what are you going to say to people when they ask you about yourself? i don't know. that their guess is as good as mine?

i don't think many people can relate to this right now. i've been thinking a lot about... you know... God. and about identity. namely identity in god. i feel like i'm at the part right now where i've acknowledged that i need to give god myself... and haven't i? but he hasn't given me anything back. he hasn't said, "here let me give you the self i intended for you, the self that will make you happiest. i've mended the dirty shabby old self you gave me, now i have back for you a new clean shiny self. try it on, i know it fits." no. right now i'm left pretty much naked out here, wondering what to do with my life. because i don't want to take it back from god- but shouldn't be be returning it soon? some dry cleaners have 3 hour service.


[The wife of noble character] is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

[Proverb 31: 25]

circle of love

i gave joe the address to my blog. everyone say 'hi joe'


hi. i'm joe. i've been blog-free for, oh, almost 19 years.
-- you're an inspiration to us all!

a tasty niblet

ok. nothing's new. except that i am honing my procrastination skills. new favorite: gizoogle

you type in any url and it translates it into snoop dogg speech! here's an excerpt from maddy's blog, from the post "(As Usual)":

Original text: "Just in case y'all were wondering, I'm good again. Three hours later. Like always. Tee hee."

gizoogle text: "Jizzust in case y'all were messin' I'm good again in all flavas. Three hours lata . Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. Like always but real niggaz don't give a fuck. Tee hee."

never again will i work! special treat from usc website: "USC ta Link Policymaka, Playa Based in Sacramizzle tha nonpartizzle USC California Policy Institute wiznill promote tha use of relevant research in health, education n governance like a motha fucka."

bis

yes, folks, gumshoe lindy has solved the mystery! the reader is shawn! and for those of you who don't know (read: all), that's my roommate's boyfriend. probably checking up, making sure his girlfriend doesn't have a crazy/wierdo/freaky roommate... i have to words for you shawn: too bad.

too freakin' bad.

gumshoe

#5: are we friends on facebook?

"Prince of Darkness" (Indigo Girls)

this is somewhat how i feel about los angeles:

My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark
I do not feel the romance
I do not catch the spark
My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark
I do not feel the romance
I do not catch the spark

I don't know when I noticed life was life at my expense
The words of my heart lined up like prisoners on a fence
The dreams came in like needy children tugging at my sleeve
I said I have no way of feeding you, so leave

But there was a time I asked my father for a dollar
And he gave it a ten dollar raise
When I needed my mother and I called her
She stayed with me for days

And now someone's on the telephone, desperate in his pain
Someone's on the bathroom floor doing her cocaine
Someone's got his finger on the button in some room
No one can convince me we aren't gluttons for our doom

But I tried to make this place my place
I asked for Providence to smile upon me with his sweet face
But I'll tell you

My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark
I do not feel the romance
I do not catch the spark
My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark
By grace, my sight grows stronger and I will not
be a pawn for the Prince of Darkness any longer

Maybe there's no haven in this world for tender age
My heart beat like the wings of wild birds in a cage
My greatest hope my greatest cause to grieve
And my heart flew from its cage and it bled upon my sleeve
The cries of passion were like wounds that needed healing
I couldn't hear them for the thunder
I was half the naked distance between hell and heaven's ceiling
And he almost pulled me under

Now someone's on the telephone desperate in his pain
Someone's on the bathroom floor doing her cocaine
Someone's got his finger on the button in some room
No one can convince me we aren't gluttons for our doom

I tried to make this place my place
I asked for Providence to smile upon me with his sweet face
But I'll tell you

My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark
I do not feel the romance
I do not catch of spark
My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark
By grace my sight grows stronger, grows stronger
I do not feel the romance
I do not catch the spark
And I will not be a pawn for the Prince of Darkness any longer


... and if you didn't catch that last one: #4: are you in any of my classes this semester?

international espionage

REDWOOD CAMP WAS SO MUCH FUN! too much to write about now. maybe later. or not.

alright- i'm loving my guessing game! some guy at usc, whom i hopefully know, reads this blog... hmmm....

#3: are you on the frisbee team?


And for one desperate moment there
He crept back in her memories
God it's so painful
Something that is so close
And still so far out of reach

['American Girl'- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers]

ADD and not afraid to use it!

there was a job fair today on trousdale. holy cow. some day i'll have to get a job that is NOT being a camp counselor. hmmm... quite a thought there. did i tell you? I want to work at a bank in dublin, ireland. i saw this bank comercial that was like, "we are so nice we help finance low-income housing!" john was like, "propaganda!" but it worked on me. i want to work at a bank and help finance low-income housing. work with PEOPLE. and their money, apparently.



chick on chick was fun. i sucked at handling, don't want to talk about it.



the "random person" who responded to my "who reads this blog" question- i figured out who it is. it's my mom. take that! i remembered because she does her '...' like '. . .' wtf is up with that... oh well. it's her mark.



the only thing getting me through is the prospect of going home tomorrow and seeing my family and joe. no lie. somebody please inject 10 more hours into tonight, then maybe i'll get sleep.



i think somewhere in these random remarks i had something funny. oh. yes! What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?


dam.

"lol"?

thesimplewinkle: do you think it's wierd that i associate you with this song?
thesimplewinkle: i don't!
joetepe15: lol
thesimplewinkle: i think it's cool. i imagine it's like the rainbow connection
thesimplewinkle: or something
joetepe15: haha
joetepe15: yeah, i associate that song with {ex-girlfriend} and me getting in a fight in Peru
joetepe15: lol
thesimplewinkle: oh
joetepe15: lol

this is when you seriously consider taking the john mayer off the mix you're making joe for valentine's day... and wonder why he finds this so funny...

SEX!

now that i have your attention, I can proceed...

i'm in a leavey learning room right now, learning about how to access databases for a research paper for one of my classes. it's my modern masculinities class (disguised as a writing class). We're thinking of keywords... masculinity, male, gender. and this one guy is consistently like, "sex?" yes, horny kid, we can type in "sex" and press search. yes, horny kid, the librarian will type it and it'll appear on the big screen. yes.

he's actually a really nice guy, I saw him last night at the library at like 2 am. But during the day... horror! oh well. half the people are playing tetris now... screw you databases. databasi, if you will?

oh, and
CHICK ON CHICK TOMORROW! 7-9 ON MCALISTER!

40

I've decided to give up facebook for lent. first off, it's super-pathetic that i'm so addicted i need to give it up. and it's pathetic that I spent a good 30 minutes figuring out how to block the site from my browser. whatever. it's going to be a hard 40 days.

mad skills maddy: night!
thesimplewinkle: goodbye facebook
thesimplewinkle: no. don't cry.
mad skills maddy: haha
thesimplewinkle: lent is only 40 days.
mad skills maddy: goodbye lindy ;-)
mad skills maddy: night
thesimplewinkle: no. never say goodbye.
thesimplewinkle: no, facebook. i still love you
thesimplewinkle: it's not you it's me!
thesimplewinkle: this isn't a period. it's a semicolon. i'll always love you facebook!
mad skills maddy: you dork
mad skills maddy: GOODNIGHT
mad skills maddy: :D
thesimplewinkle: there will always be a special place in my heart and my browser
mad skills maddy: adios
mad skills maddy: i'm not responding anymore
thesimplewinkle: *sniffle* goodbye facebook. until easter.

tasty morsel

econ never ceases to amaze me. outlining for my macro midterm this week, i came across the following passage from the ninth edition of Baumol and Blinder's Macroeconomics regarding "convergence theory". and i quote:

Technological laggards can, and sometimes do, close this gap with technological leaders by imitating and adapting existing technologies. Within this "convergence club," productivity growth rates are higher where productivity levels are lower. [and my favorite part!...] Unfortunately, some of the world's poorest nations have been unable to join this club.

My heart both weeps and rejoices at the same time! No one can take my joy away from me!

malt balls and yogurt pretzels

I didn't do any homework yesterday. So I decided I should go to San Diego today to watch our Ghettobirds win the qualifier for the President's Day Tournament. ok, so that last part didn't happen. They took 7th place-- but that means they can come to Arizona with us over President's Day to support the girls team (for once!!)!

I have never considered myself a 'butt girl'-- as in, I don't look for guys with cute butts. you know what i mean. but today... *deep breath*... 22 on Texas A&M team... GORGEOUS backside. I went over to the other sideline to take pictures. And I basically checked out the A&M guys team for a while, with breaks to look through a lens and take horrible pictures. (seriously, i suck at taking pictures). I mean this thing was BEAUTIFUL. he had a snug fitting shirt that didn't go too far down, and these shorts that... *sigh*... I can't even find words! this thing was a piece of art! I showed jenna, who also melted. the hellions team refers to this as "sock check", which is a step up from "pantie check!" I think you catch my drift.

So I'll be thinking about the delicious backside of #22 for a while now, outlining macroecon. Marginal benefit CURVE. *swoon*

Although, it's not as if i have a check list, or some criteria guys have to pass. I just notice certain things when they are present-- LIKE BREATHTAKING BOOTIES!

Overall, a wonderful little half-day trip to San Diego. This ends this blog's most physical post.

captain random, at your service!

brooke and i went discount store shopping today- glorious. i got all my valentines, but not any pipe cleaners... hmm... And I heard all about brooke's new roommate, who is always in her room with her boyfriend. but it's an actual problem, because brooke can't be in the room, like, ever. i am so grateful for a roommate like kathleen, who doesn't do stuff like that. or at least, not in the room, and not all the time.

I AM SO EXCITED FOR VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

and i don't need a valentine. even though it would be nice to have one.

so here are the people who read this blog apparently:
blythe
kate
carly
berka
maddy
some random person

I think there are more... but maybe not. I want to post more indigo girls lyrics, there is this song that articulates almost exactly how I feel about LA. but i'll wait a while, have a little buffer period before the wonderfulness. I think the only reason I don't listen to indigo girls all the time (and i have like 6 of their cd's... that's variety already) is because my roommate would be like, "i have the roommate from hell!" if she doesn't like the music i do. which she should. my music rocks, and rolls.

The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means. --Oscar Wilde, (in The Importance of Being Earnest)

"Ghost" (Indigo Girls)

there's a letter on the desktop
that i dug out of a drawer
the last truce we ever came to from our adolescent war
and i start to feel a fever
from the warm air through the screen
you come regular like seasons
shadowing my dreams

and the mississippi's mighty
but it starts in Minnesota
at a place where you could walk across with five steps down
and i guess that's how you started
like a pinprick to my heart
but at this point you rush right through me and i start to drown

and there's not enough room in this world for my pain
signals cross
and love gets lost
and time passed makes it plain
of all my demon spirits i need you the most
i'm in love with your ghost
i'm in love with your ghost

dark and dangerous like a secret
that gets whispered in a hush
when i wake the things i dreamt about you
last night make me blush
when you kiss me like a lover
then you sting me like a viper
i go follow to the river
play your memory like the piper

and i feel it like a sickness
how this love is killing me
but i'd walk into the fingers of your fire willingly
and dance the edge of sanity
i've never been this close
in love with your ghost
ooooh…

unknowing captor
you'll never know how much you
pierce my spirit
but i can't touch you
can you hear it
a cry to be free
oh i'm forever under lock and key
as you pass through me

now i see your face before me
i would launch a thousand ships
to bring your heart back to my island
as the sand beneath me slips
as i burn up in your presence
and i know now how it feels
to be weakened like Achilles
with you always at my heels

and my bitter pill to swallow is the silence that i keep
that poisons me i can't swim free the river is too deep
though i'm baptized by your touch i am no worse at most
in love with your ghost

grrr + request

first off, w.t.f. is up with my calves? seriously. i pulled my left one almost TWO WEEKS ago, and i've been stretching and staying off it. but it's still giving me a lot of pain. i'm really frustrated- i'm definitely giving it enough lovin', could i have done something worse to it? somewhere between pulling and tearing a muscle lives my crime against my calf. WHY GOD, WHY!?

anyhow, that's making me really angry. i can't sprint in practice, i can't hustle, because my leg feels so funny/painful all the time. who knows. i think i'll go to the health center tomorrow and try to figure this out. although... i don't need condoms, i'm not a recovering addict, and i'm not possibly pregnant- i wonder if they can still help me...

$24,000 question: who reads this blog?


and the mississippi's mighty
but it starts in Minnesota
at a place where you could walk across with five steps down
and i guess that's how you started
like a pinprick to my heart
but at this point you rush right through me and i start to drown

[Indigo Girls- 'Ghost'']

follow-up... and procrastination

thesimplewinkle: hello i am a prostitute
Auto response from mad skills maddy: reading about prostitution for class tomorrow. holla.
thesimplewinkle: are you reading about me?
thesimplewinkle: or my chosen line of work?
thesimplewinkle: i know that the market system (also refered to as 'capitalism') employs both freedom of choice and specialization
thesimplewinkle: as labor, i have the choice to move from market to market as i see fit, and choose a line of work that i want.
mad skills maddy: you are a dork.
thesimplewinkle: specialization, also referred to as 'division of labor', means i can choose a job based on skills, learn by doing, and saves time
thesimplewinkle: self-sufficiency breeds inefficiency
mad skills maddy: stop taaaaalking
mad skills maddy: weirdo
thesimplewinkle: YEAH MICRO MIDTERM TOMORROW!
mad skills maddy: ;-)
mad skills maddy: nice!
mad skills maddy: you'll be amazing ;-)
thesimplewinkle: only if i have a question about prostitution

and in the morning, i'm makin' WAFFLES!

do some things you see just make you believe again in the goodness and inherent beauty? maybe it's a beautiful sunset, or a sunrise. maybe it's when you see a friend you haven't seen in a long time. or maybe, just maybe, it's from the 16th edition of McConnell & Brue's Microeconomics. And I quote:

In his 1776 book The Wealth of Nations, Adam Smith first noted that the operation of a market system creates a curious unity between private interests and social interests. Firms and resource suppliers, seeking to further their own self-interest and operating within the framework of a highly competitrive market system, will simultaneously, as though guided by an "invisible hand," promote the public or social interest... Businesses use the least costly combination of resources to produce a specific output because it is in their self-interest to do so... But, at the same time, to use scarce resources in the least costly (most efficient) way is clearly in the social interest as well...

Competition controls or guides self-interest in such a way that it automatically, and quite unintentionally, furthers the best interests of society. The invisible hand ensures that when firms maximize their profits, they also maximize society's output and income.

*sigh* I think i'm gonna roll in a field of poppies now. or at least get myself some frozen yogurt.




Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

[Psalm 139: 7-12]

fresh water tears

chick on chick has been postponed. i'm sorry, i got you all excited and you'll have to wait.

*sigh*

I guess i'll just have to... do homework... or something...

gerbils and hamsters

[knoll conversation]

brooke: ... so after tennis i went back, and i went to shower. and i definitely walked in on my roommate and her boyfriend... like... having sex. so i got my stuff and BOLTED.
me: ewwww
brooke: i know! they are like... LEMMINGS!
me: they fall off the bed together?
brooke: no. they have sex, like, ALL THE TIME.
me: that's like... rabbits.

Although, after further thought, we concluded that, given the enormous mortality rate of lemmings, their reproduction must also be great... ergo: SEX.

And no, brooke's roommate and her boyfriend do NOT fall off the bed. they're just in the bed all the time. i thank my lucky stars kathleen is not like that (slutty, or awkward enough to fall off the bed...)

a whole new world

ok kids. i don't party. and, until tonight, i had not gone to a party. i mean a real like college party. you know what i mean. tonight, though, was perfect... *edge of screen blurs*

I went to sam's first, for his wine and cheese party. i ate some grapes. we had [yolanda] with us, who is pretty small and is out after like two drinks (but she comes up with very original excuses, about how she's not a lightweight, she's just (fill in the blank)). Anyhow, she decided to "make her own wine". she put wine, vodka, cranberry juice, grapes, and a wine cork in a tupperware pitcher, shook it up, and proceeded to drink until only the cork was left. mmm. deeeelish.

but then the real fun started. we sang. [yolanda] played drunken piano and we sang "a whole new world", "beauty and the beast", "memory", some phantom of the opera stuff, "my favorite things", and i forget the rest of them. I was pulling for a "little mermaid" song... but no dice. sam's was the funnest. after that, we went to a party for music majors.

the music major parties are where you find the INCREDIBLE drunk piano players. it was amazing. except for the fact that i heard "the entertainer" seven times in a row. he tried to play other songs, but he couldn't remember them, would bang on the piano, drink some more, and start "the entertainer". At this party, though, only some of us had gone over, and given i was not macking on anyone (nor was anyone macking on me), I was the universal third wheel. We went home pretty quickly, but not before dissuading a girl from putting a huge palm leaf in the car. we told her it had salmonella on it. and we're all better off.

overall, though, the party scene is totally boring if you don't drink, or dance, or make out with people. which means that... i had fun when my friends were around, but otherwise it pretty much sucked. i now know what i am NOT missing.

And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep. (Kurt Vonnegut)

oh please

i'm not bored i'm just a sheep


choose a band/artist and answer only in song titles by that band: fiona apple

are you male or female: sullen girl
describe yourself: criminal
how do some people feel about you: slow like honey
how do you feel about yourself: love ridden
describe your ex gf/bf: limp
describe your current gf/bf: the way things are
describe where you want to be: the child is gone
describe what you want to be: sleep to dream
describe how you live: a mistake
describe how you love: pale september
share a few words of wisdom: never is a promise

*i chose most of these because of the lyrics, not the titles. but then again, her songs are pretty dismal. i tried to do indigo girls, but it was way too hard...

a pretty petty

girls piss me off. sometimes i don't know how i live with myself. i mean, i already hog all the blankets...

i was going to get some dinner after a nice nap. so i was like, "ok friend of girl on my floor, come with us!" no. never again! the entire time she was like, "yeah so i liked this guy he's like sooooooo cute- of course he's gay!" teeheeheeheeheeheehee! or "yeah well he's a theatre guy... so i mean... of course he's gay!" teeheeheeheeheeheehee! or "well i was like, 'hmm... you dress well' i mean, i'm like 99% sure he's gay!" teeheeheehe- SHUT IT!

i was finally like, "don't you think it's a little petty to obsess over someone's sexual orientation right when you meet them? it seems really petty to me, i wouldn't want to be treated that way, if someone just obsessed over one aspect of me" Luckily, we were already back to the dorm.


I also hate her shoes.

of greater importance

CHICK ON CHICK IS NEXT THURSDAY!!!

Next Thursday, February 3rd

McAlister Field (across from Troy, half way between campus and the row. ask me for directions if you don't know where it is.)

7pm-9pm/when DPS kicks us off

The girls team plays the ghettobirds (guys team), who are wearing skirts and sportsbras with water balloon. Each water balloon popped means a point lost!

It's going to be great ultimate, even GREATER guys in skirts (some of whom look really good... hmm... pear shape?)

I'll find pictures to show you guys. WAR OUT!

of less importance

there was a (FREAKING HUGE!) cockroach in the bathroom last night when I went to take a shower after practice. It was perched inside the sink, to escape the faucet water. like anyone would be using that sink anyhow...

I screamed for a little while, then turned on the water in the furthest shower. A little bit later I heard the door open, someone walked in, turned on the shower. Then I heard the screaming.

hot DANG that roach moves fast!

"3x5" (John Mayer)

I'm writing to you to
catch you up on the places I've been
You held this letter
probably got excited, but there's nothing else inside it
didn't have a camera by my side this time
hoping I would see the world through both my eyes
maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm
in the mood to lose my way with words

Today skies are painted colors of a cowboy's cliche
And strange how clouds that look like mountains in the sky
are next to mountains anyway
Didn't have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world with both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm
in the mood to lose my way
but let me say
You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
no more 3x5's

Guess you had to be there
Guess you had to be with me
Today I finally overcame
tryin' to fit the world inside a picture frame
Maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm in the mood to
lose my way but let me say
You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
no more 3x5's
just no more 3x5's

spoon smoothie

instead of telling you about the weekend, i'll let you HEAR it. oh, technology.

[watching die hard]
sam: "obviously, alan rickman forgot god's eleventh commandment: THOU SHALT NOT COVET BRUCE WILLIS' WIFE!!"

by the way, in die hard it's like bruce willis vs. german terrorists. there are also 2 black guys. anyhow. what the germans say is basically "nein" (no) or "schnell" (faster). most of saturday and sunday we were yelling "SCHNELL!!" at each other on the field. frisbee is a game of speed!!

[out at freebirds with rachey roo]
courtney: "what is horchata anyhow?"
sarah: "it's kind of like rice milk"
rachel: "milk the little ricies!! milky milky!!" (makes milking hand movements)
.
me: "i am so tired."
rachel: "I KNOW! I've been milking little ricies all day!"

[getting ready to go home]
brit: "well we have enough people that somebody is going to have to sit bitch" (the middle seat in the back)
david: "i don't mind, i kind of like bitch"
jenna: "I like BITCHES!!... and ho's!!" (drops it like it's hot)


weekend was a success. I think i played pretty well, although on sunday i felt really nauseous all day and didn't play too hard. it would be ironic if one of the few people who didn't drink was the only one to throw up... that is to be avoided at all costs.

fallacy of composition

believing that what is good for the individual is good for a group of individuals, or the whole. who's your daddy now, econ? what what

[lindy + mom, who is having people over]

RVQueen55: ideas for dessert?
thesimplewinkle: dessert... hmm....
thesimplewinkle: the york cookies!! yum yum in my tum tum!
RVQueen55: aggghhhh, so much work!
thesimplewinkle: WORD
thesimplewinkle: greg is a good help with them
RVQueen55: and they will be gone so fast . . .
thesimplewinkle: that's true
RVQueen55: word?
thesimplewinkle: we've been over this before
thesimplewinkle: it's like, "i agree with you" or "that's true"
RVQueen55: sorry, my middle-aged memory lapse - oh yeah
thesimplewinkle: yep
thesimplewinkle: let's practice
RVQueen55: word?
thesimplewinkle: oh my gosh, those york cookies are SOOOO hard to make
RVQueen55: I know, but you're worth it
thesimplewinkle: no!!! you were supposed to say "word"
RVQueen55: word
thesimplewinkle: good good
RVQueen55: WORD
thesimplewinkle: BUT if i said something like, "i have so much class today!!"
thesimplewinkle: you could NOT say "word"
thesimplewinkle: "word" only works when you're in the same situation, or something like that
RVQueen55: okay
thesimplewinkle: me: "i wish i had time to sleep"
thesimplewinkle: maddy: "word"
RVQueen55: mom: WORD
thesimplewinkle: me: "wow i have so much work"
thesimplewinkle: thomas: "word" [thomas = brother]
thesimplewinkle: nono this would not work
RVQueen55: I am in the same situation!!!
thesimplewinkle: (the thomas example)
RVQueen55: word


the end is in sight.

go ahead

make my day.


wolf twentythree: ?
Auto response from thesimplewinkle: a rabbi, and priest, and a minister walk into a bar. bartender says, "what is this-- some kind of joke?"
wolf twentythree: heheheheh
wolf twentythree: lol
wolf twentythree: because it is a joke...
wolf twentythree: in the joke...
wolf twentythree: its a joke...
wolf twentythree: ok...
wolf twentythree: I killed it

the gong jar

i can't concentrate.

one of my friends is drifting away, and i'm running away from another one. yet i know i should let the first one go because she doesn't belong to me and she's not becoming a crack whore or anything. and i know eventually i'll come whimpering back to the second one. and, yes, whimper is probably the correct word to use.

so here i am, trying to do econ. trying not to think about other things, namely the aforementioned friends...

We have a tournament this weekend, i'm really anxious. i think you should understand by now my inability to concentrate. and sleep... I'm going to bed at like 2 or 3 every morning and waking up by 8. and i can't go back to sleep after that without waking up every 10 minutes and looking at the clock. and sighing. and burying myself back into my blankets. what's the deal.

A rabbi, and priest, and a minister walk into a bar. bartender says, "what is this? some kind of joke?"

"The View" (Modest Mouse)

Your gun went off
Well you shot off your mouth and look where it got you
My mouth runs on too
Shouts from both sides,
"Well we've got the land but they've got the view!"
Well now here's the clue

Life it rents us
And yeah I hope it put plenty on you
Well I hope mine did too

As life gets longer, awful feels softer
Well is feels pretty soft to me
And if it takes shit to make bliss,
then I feel pretty blissfully

Your gun went off
Well you shot off your mouth and look where it got you
My mouth runs on too
Shouts from both sides,
"Well we've got the land but they've got the view!"
Well now here's the clue

We are fixed right where we stand

Life is rents us
And yeah I hope it put plenty on you
Well I hope mine did too

We are fixed right where we are

As life gets longer, awful feels softer
Well it feels pretty soft to me
And if it takes shit to make bliss,
well I feel pretty blissfully

For every invention made how much time did we save?
We're not much farther than we were in the cave

As life gets longer, awful feels softer
and it feels pretty soft to me
And if it takes shit to make bliss,
well I feel pretty blissfully

If life's not beautiful without the pain
Well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer
And it feels pretty soft to me

For every good deed done there is a crime committed
We are fixed
For every step ahead we could have just been seated
We are fixed

As life gets longer, awful feels softer
Well it feels pretty soft to me
And if it takes shit to make bliss,
well I feel pretty blissfully

We are fixed
We are fixed
We are fixed right where we stand

salvation

alright well talking to everybody i've been thinking a lot.

and then reading Uncle Tom's Cabin where there's this whole discussion about "well both sides think god is on their side" and i'm thinking, "hm maybe i'm over theologizing this..."

and i go to sanctuary, which is a sunday night service at mppc (menlo park presbyterian church) when i'm home. and when i'm here i watch the sermons online because they're really good, i think.

so this evening I watched charley's sermon on salvation. they were doing a series of talks on missing the point. which was fun, and smart. so he goes over the "salvation only means heaven after you die!" and being like, "that is so incomplete... and if that's what salvation is then what am i doing with this earthly life is all i have is a life after death?" (except he says it better) and being like, "what does it mean to be saved?" and i think if you're like, "i'm not sure what lindy's getting at" (hey i don't get it either) then watch it. it's like 35 minutes. go here and scroll down to November 21 (Charley Scandlyn, Salvation). you can click on the video camera to watch it on windows media player.

a note about charley: he is one of the people i most respect. like, up there is my dad, and my mom, and joe ryan who was my mentor for a while (and my small group leader's husband), and my small group leaders. but charley, he is just so smart! and he's not afraid to be like, "hey this is our problem." even, and especially, problems within the church. he even confronts some of them in the talk. my favorite was when in another talk he was like, "don't blame the church for your lack of growth in your relationship with god!" he really forces me to take an honest look at myself and stuff, and i really like this sermon. so do it if you want. or not.

and the blog posts may return to "normal" but maybe not. we'll see. rock it.

i need words/ as white as sky

this weekend was a tournament in santa monica- soo much fun! I'm tired, beach play really takes it out of you. sprinting on sand... but i got some SWEET bids (diving for the frisbee). ok, so i was just practing throwing and didn't have any in the actual games. but all the same- I rock.

Most of the team partied last night, I was way too tired. but consequently, some didn't show up this morning because of their wasted states. One was our captain, ryan. His nickname is "chicken", but, i don't know, I prefer ryan. anyhow he didn't show up this morning so we call him.

"chicken are you coming today?"
"my tires got slashed last night" (he drives a black mustang)
"i'm so sorry!"
"yeah, well... these things happen..."

um, NO THEY DON'T. or rather, they don't outside the ghetto. At least we're now in the 'sc state of mind. fight on?

We later decided to bury ashley in sand. Not lying down, though, oh no. We're going to bury her in sand vertically. And not by digging a hole either, but by piling sand on her. It took... an hour? more? At least we're goal-oriented... we decided to bury her vertically and we came through! But now it's shower time. homework time? we'll see.

oh no you di-in't

I think this semester I will have to come to terms with how I feel about homosexuality. The PLETHORA of comments about joe/homosexuality from last post. This class about "love and politics"- i mean come on do they mix any more obviously than in gay marriage? plus this girl on my hall and her girlfriend (who is now a resident of our hall... simple because of spending the night every night) are in the class.

I want to live peacefully and not feel attacked. I give everyone else the benefit of the doubt. I de believe other people come to their beliefs rationally. Just because I view the world through the lens of a loving god does not mean that I am irrational. Or that I lack logic. I may lack the search for every truth about the world. I believe I have found the ultimate truth, and with is everything else falls in place, will fall in place, or god will help me pull it down into place.

without further ado. Because dialogue (polylogue) is really the best way...

I do believe homosexuality is a sin. More specifically, a perversion. Everyone is a sexual creature. Carly is sexual- in an open way. Sluts are sexual- in a slutty way. Nuns are sexual, but have given their sexuality to god. Everyone is sexual, and God created us that way. no getting around it. We all desire love in one way or another. But, because we live in a fallen world we're like, "ok i'll take god's creation and mess around with it" So we get compulsive liars who take truth and twist it. Some people are hateful and refuse god's love or the love of other people. And some people desire the (romantic) love of the same sex. Like being very "sexual" in the wordly sense- porn star, etc., homosexuality is a perversion of the sexuality god created in us. That's what I belive. that's what I think I belive. When I write it out like now, that's what makes sense.

Now, as regards some things we face:

Gay clergy: Yes. But, again, I don't think someone is born "gay"- they become that way. Somehow, to say "gay clergy" assumes that oh well they can't change it. They can. I permit gay clergy only if he or she acknowledges it is a sin. What if your church ordained a pastor and said, "well this is our new pedophile pastor so-and-so" assuming that "oh well that's how (s)he is. but hey, we welcome everyone" No. Saying "this is who I am" is saying, "God you can't change this about me, you can't touch this" Pedophilia is a perversion, too. I think pastors should be honest about their struggles (especially in the pedophilia circumstance- but that's a whole different post), they need a loving community, too, to help them. I would not feel comfortable hearing about God from someone who so blatantly acknowledges and accepts a thorn in their side. They preach the finer points of some theological concept...

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. (Matthew 7)

I mean, I do thank God that I don't struggle with the temptation to obtain love from the same sex. It's a hard struggle, and the people that struggle with this are often ostracized. But all the same, it is a struggle, and one that- with the help of God- people can overcome. Clergy can be homosexual, but only if they acknowledge their sin.

Gay marriage: No. I would not feel comfortable in a church that condoned this or held gay marriage ceremonies. What is marriage? The spiritual and physical joining of two people (man and woman!). God creates our sexuality, he creates in us the desire for love, companionship, and sex, so that he can fulfill it!!! In the end, only the love of God can satisfy us, but for the time being, in marriage the other sex can try to satisfy. It can certainly satisfy the sexual desires. God created woman for man, man for woman. I mean just look at the bodies! God didn't say, "oh hey, way to go me- didn't know they'd fit like that!" No. He knew.

What is more enraging to me, though, is that a church might condone this. Like ordaining the minister who chooses to ignore his sin, condoning this man-man, or woman-woman relationship in god's sanctuary is truly blasphemous. In the ceremony, you pray for the relationship, for the marriage. What is the use of praying for something God knows is a perversion and not what he intended? It's spitting in God's face! It's like, "well... you created us... but I like us better this way, ok? So thanks for the raw material, I'll take it from here" no. Marriage is a gift from God, and as such it is holy. Gay marriage, in one sense, is a contradiction of terms. And I do not support it.

I'm not sure, though, how I feel about legal gay marriage. Like, tax benefits, that sort of thing. I don't know enough about it.

Now. To what really matters: the people. I can argue about sin all I want, but what matters is the sinners. Which, if you weren't aware, is all of us. So you've probably all heard, "Love the sinner hate the sin" which is truly what we should aspire to. But to get there let's take a little detour. Jesus says to "love your neighbor as you love yourself". Allow me to quote c.s. lewis (big time) in his discussion of this:

[this is in a chapter about forgiveness] ... And secondly, we might try to understand exactly when loving your neighbour as yourself means. I have to love him as I love myself. Well, how exactly do I love myself?

Now that I come to think of it, I have not exactly got a feeling of fondness or affection for myself, and I do not even always enjoy my own society. So apparently, 'Love your neighbour' does not mean 'feel fond of him' or 'find him attractive'. I ought to have seen that before, because, of course, you cannot feel fond of a person by trying. Do I think well of myself, think myself a nice chap? Well, I am afraid I sometimes do (and those are, no doubt, my worst moments) but that is not why I love myself. In fact it is the other way round: my self-love makes me think myself nice, but thinking myself nice is not why I love myself. So loving enemies does not apparently mean thinking them nice either. That is an enormous relief. For a good many people imagine that forgiving your enemies means making out that they are really not such bad fellows after all, when it is quite plain that they are. [sic: condoning homosexuality either by ordaining or a marriage ceremony! Also, because this is about forgiveness, he refers to 'enemies'. But what I want to point out is how to love people that you know have done wrong. Anyhow, onward and upward!] Go a step further. In my most clear-sighted moments not only do I not think of myself a nice man, but I know that I am a very nasty one. I can look at some things I have done with horror and loathing. So apparently I am allowed to loathe and hate some of the things my enemies do. Now that I come to think of it, I remember Christian teachers telling me long ago that I must hate a bad man's actions, but not hate the bad man: or they would say, hate the sin but not the sinner. [sic: aha!]

For a long time I used to think this a silly, straw-splitting distinction: how could you hate what a man did and not hate the man? But years later it occured to me that there was one man to whome I had been doing this all my life- namely myself. However much I might dislike my own cowardice or conceit or greed, I went on loving myself. There had never been the slightest difficulty about it. In fact the very reason why I hated the things was that I loved the man. Just because I loved myself, I was sorry to find that I was the sort of man who did those things... hate [sin, bad things] in the same way in which we hate things in ourselves: being sorry that the man should have done such things, and hoping, if it is anyway possible, that somehow, sometime, somewhere he can be cured and made human again.

Does all of that make sense? I hope so, because I'm not going to explain it again. Lewis is a smart guy, and a clear one, too. Anyhow, I used to have really jacked view of homosexuality. I'll admit it, I was totally homophobic. but it was in talking with my brother (who is like- maybe i'm christian maybe i'm not- whatever) who was like, "how is it different from any other sin, you hater?" which made me realize how wrong I'd been. So yeah. Post if you want. I hope I don't piss anyone off, but this is what I logically and rationally believe. And I figure before I go any further I should fine tune this. Make sure I'm secure in my faith. I also want my blog to be more faith oriented. I find myself more interesting when I'm talking about God as opposed to when I'm talking about, say, boys.

With apprehension, but not really, I press "publish post".

joe's twin is like... whoa

no. seriously. when you've known someone for five months and then you meet his twin... it was crazy. they were all smoking hookah in the courtyard and i was like, "whoa" the entire time/ I didn't want to be like "stare at david... stare at joe... back to david" because that would be awkward. but all the same.

Joe + Longer Hair + Skater Clothes + Not Gay = David

I took a "what disney princess are you?" quiz online- PRINCESS ARIEL, BITCHES!! ye-ah! that's awesome.

I'm going to santa monica tomorrow for ultimate. today when we were throwing on the quad and brit (captain) was like, "hey practice throwing in the cup" and i was like, *SWOON*! Because to be a handler would be wonderful. I wouldn't have to run as much... I'd get more chicks... not have to run as much...

yeah so basically life would rock. and roll. Much like having a twin. Carly would be the evil one, i'm the good one. I wish my blog posts made sense.

Do

it

go to

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Extreme
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Low
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante's" Inferno Hell Test

back to school...

...back to school. to prove to dad i'm not a fool. got my lunch in a box, my shoes tied tight. i hope i don't get in a fight.

yeah i'm at school. it's raining. evk is all nice-ified (EXCEPT FOR THE FOOD PART!). I agree with maddy: work on the quality (or lack thereof) of the food instead of the quality of the drink despensers. and oh, by the way, the new mahogany/tacky things they put up for the drink dispensers go down too far- i can't see which drink button i'm pressing on. wonderful, kids, just wonderful... *sigh* *i hate evk...*

Classes start for me at 8 pm tonight- i have a whole rainy day to waste! yeah! gym.

medea

i want to post. BUT...

...my ramblings are boring.

...nothing ever happens in my life.

what comes to mind now: i have a stomach ache. i'm going back to school tomorrow and i hope the 5 isn't closed or we have to take 101 the entire way down. while scenic, it is long and tedious. why isn't joe online. why aren't i asleep, we're leaving at 6 am tomorrow! random, useless thoughts. keep on rockin in the free world.

and for those of you who haven't read medea (play by euripides)- do it. you'll thank me later (when you recover).

that's all they really want

i watched "girls just want to have fun" this evening. cinema at its finest! no. really. I feel however, that the character of Mr. Sands is not fully developed. We do not notice his move to autonomy, out from under the rule of his daughter Natalie. He is suddenly able to ask Natalie to "shut up!" when Janey and Jeff win the dance show. He is such a deep, multi-faceted character. A self made man, yet ruled by something he himself created... such is life...

dang i should be a cinema major. Actually, I'm thinking of Economics and Gender Studies. Not because of where they interconnect, but because they are both FASCINATING. John is like, "you are a lesbian if you major in gender studies" I respond: I do not have to be romantically involved with my sex/gender (oh yes there is a difference!) in order to study it. Anyhow. I was like, "what i want is theology. Yeah apologetics can be learned through experience in being a christian minority. Or i can just realize I'll learn it anyhow in seminary..." So I won't study religion now. Maybe a class or two now. Except if I go Econ/GS, I'll probably have to do summer school. bummer... anyhow, school plans are for me, and they're totally boring to you.

school plans: USC WON THE ORANGE BOWL!! alright!!! i was content, there were plenty of song girl shots... swoon... they even had special sweaters! I will be a song girl. I will figure it out.

house broken

right when i get used to being home- i have to go back to school. it was wierd at first to be home. so i hung out w/ friends from high school. i was going cold turkey! but now some friends are going back... and i like being home... and i have to go back in five days. damn.

I'm listening to "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" (james joyce) on tape. it's one of the books i have to read next semester... and i got the feeling it was one i somehow wouldn't get around to reading. i even had the plan of listening to all my books of next semester on tape. wow i am a huge and total dork. yee-haw!!

I decided to make cookies today. I actually decided to a few days ago, and today i actually made them. i'm a slow creature... so yeah, my baking is horrible. first off, the mixer and i are at odds. i think i put too much flour in, and when i turned on the mixer, flour went everywhere! baaad... but my favorite, is when i was breaking an egg on the side of a bowl, but i turned my head away to tell my little brother something, and when i looked back, i'd cracked the egg... but not in the bowl. instead it was running down the side, along the counter, and down some drawers. that was fun to clean up! but i'm waiting for the dough to get hard, then i can cook some more! adventure in greasing the pan! the species lindus loisus is not yet domesticated. back into the wild with her!

they (church people) asked me to MC (emcee?) breakaway on wednesday night. but i was like, "that is intimidating". A lot of things are intimidating to me now. why have i become such a wimp? i'm even afraid of this girl on my hall who is super-christian. and it's not like, "saved!" super-christian, i mean she is really sincere and balanced about it. joe was like, "i don't intimidate you, do i?" no, you don't. i'm even friends with the girl on my hall and she intimidates me! joe says i need more christian friends. that is to say... I know i need more christian friends and joe tells me so because he knows i need to hear it from someone else. i was like, "girl on hall!" but dang she is so gungho and i'm so jacked and bad. how could they ask me to emcee? oh well. i think my cookie dough is almost hard (has it been an hour?)

To: I wish you knew who you were

[in the immortal words of fefe dobson]

sometimes I give into sadness sometimes I don't
sometimes I'm part of the madness sometime I won't
give into you
you see in a way I have been drifting down a river to nowhere
and you're giving me nothing

but if you're ready to be my everything
if you're ready to see me through this time
and if you're ready for love then
this I will bring
but I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time

at times I feel myself smiling at times I'm not
what's with that guilt that you're styling
baby talk don't look good on you
you see in a way I have been looking for a reason to go there
and you're leading me nowhere

but if you're ready to be my everything
if you're ready to see me through this time
and if you're ready for love then
this I will bring
but I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time

are you waiting for a special occasion to give me your heart?
cause I need a little conformation to make a real start
don't wait till it's too late are you ready to show me
are you ready to love me?

you see in a way I have been drifting down a river to nowhere
and you're giving me nothing

but if you're ready to be my everything
if you're ready to see me through this time
and if you're ready for love then
this I will bring
but I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time

it has come to my attention

no i'm not covering up my overly pretensious previous post. but some people ask me why I work with middle schoolers. My answer to them, now, "THEY NEED ME" I return to my computer after church to find the following:

(Lindy's away message)
wolf twentythree: whats the deal!!!
wolf twentythree: stop talking to me
wolf twentythree: 1!!
wolf twentythree: away message!!!
wolf twentythree: ahhhhh!!!
wolf twentythree: you are scary
wolf twentythree: oh
wolf twentythree: wait
wolf twentythree: nothing to be afraid of
wolf twentythree: coast is clear
wolf twentythree: "You can come out now, magic toaster"
wolf twentythree: *toaster crwls out
wolf twentythree: *toaster is scared
wolf twentythree: "come on Timmy, lets go! We have the younge master to save" the blanket says
wolf twentythree: "your right!"
wolf twentythree: toaster says
wolf twentythree: *They charged forward, their mission freshly in their minds

I work with them... because I understand the reference... LONG LIVE THE BRAVE LITTLE TOASTER!!!

"To Will. H. Low" (Robert Louis Stevenson)

preeeetensious!

Youth now flees on feathered foot.
Faint and fainter sounds the flute,
Rarer songs of gods; and still
Somewhere on the sunny hill,
Or along the winding stream,
Through the willows, flits a dream;
Flits, but shows a smiling face,
Flees, but with so quaint a grace,
None can choose to stay at home,
All must follow, all must roam.

This is unborn beauty: she
Now in air floats high and free,
Takes the sun and breaks the blue;--
Late with stooping pinion flew
Raking hedgerow trees, and wet
Her wings in silver streams, and set
Shining foot on temple roof:
Now again she flies aloof,
Coasting mountain clouds and kiss't
By the evening's amethyst.

In wet wood and miry lane,
Still we pant and pound in vain:
Still with leaden foot we chase
Waning pinion, fainting face;
Still with grey hair we stumble on,
Till, behold, the vision gone!
Where hath fleeting beauty led?
To the doorway of the dead.
Life is over, life was gay:
We have come the primrose way.

"learn two languages... ARE YOU MAD?!?"

alright, kids, time for an update. because i am in New York and i know you're all clamoring to hear all about what's going on.

I have heard the phrase "How the hell are you doing?" at least ten times a day since I've been here. I am now convinced that I am in the most antagonistic and generally hostile city known to man. Or at least to me. Or... there was that one time I was in Paris and I was having a really bad day and I tried to speak French, but it just wasn't working, and this guy laughed at me! he was like, "unh huh huh (the french laugh thing)... eet ees a gooood sing I speek-a eenglish? non?" grrrr mean man! ok ok, i'm over it... i. have. moved. past. the. mean. frenchman. *breathe* moving on...

It's cold. It's like 50 degrees today and I am kissing the non-icy ground I walk on. When I arrived at jfk- it was 10 degrees!!! holy crap!!! Ot stayed about 12 degreed all day, and I simply didn't talk. no, seriously. the thought running through my head was, "i actually did not know it could get this cold" my mom would ask me questions or point something out and I would give her this blank stare. That might also, however, have been because I couldn't sleep on the plane. This means I went straight from 7:25 am on Sunday morning to 8 pm Monday night, when I finally got into my hotel room and fell on my bed. I didn't think I could do that, either! Well, I'm an amazing kid, what can I say.

Last thing: we went to ellis island. And our ranger guide guy was creeeeeepy. no. seriously. He never smiled, he spoke in this monotone voice that was like dry humor taken to an unhealthy extreme. monologue snippet: "you know... forty percent of americans trace their roots back to.... this... island. Yes, yes, and I am one of those americans... Proud of it. Is there anyone else... in this room... can trace their heritage back here... back to this very island, back to this. very. room. Anybody... yes, you. yes... yes... and you... Welcome cousins... welcome." ahhhhh!!!! never again will I sit in the front row! his name was douglas, I should've known.

Alright, well now is the the time for me to riiiise and bring myself forth- to- the bagel shop! Where I can get the bagel and lox and the creamy and the lox and the creamy creamy lox lox. yay new york!

i can't get no

Three, please, she said to the girl at the dressing room. A "3" tag was brought down and so began the evening.

First were the grey pants. She already had a pair, in "camel". Actually, she didn't know what the color was. It was dark beige. But most stores will name it "camel", or "caramel", or something having to do with coffee. The pants she had bought worked well, so another color might do the trick, too.

It's so hard to find pants, she thought, buttoning the waist, but I know these work...
Splendid! voiced the mirror, I am impressed!
Thank you, she replied. But I already sort of knew they would work. One pair in the "buy" pile.

She pulled the blue pants off their hanger and had a moment of doubt.

These pants are... shiny. Sort of.
Not quite, interjected the mirror, There are shinier out there, if you prefer them.
No. No. I don't like shiny at all. These are like Dickie's chic-ified. On they go.

And she let out a sigh.

*SIGH*

The pants were too big. She would simply have to go down a size. She stepped out of the dressing room.

Excuse me, can I please get these a size... smaller?
Certainly.

She floated back into the room and waited. It seemed like a long time, but she waited in anticipation. Could it be? Had she dropped a size simply by trying on two pairs or pants? The fickle hand of fate was holding hers. And she was on top of the world.

Here they are.
Thank you so much!

Trembling, she unbuttoned her pants. Her regular size... She unzipped and, as loose, baggy, and generally huge as they were, they fell off. She stepped out of them lightly and seized the new pants. One leg in and she felt tremors of doubt. Was she in between sizes? Oh, that was the worst! Because whichever size you get, they don't really fit! And by the time you lose enough weight to get the smaller size, the pants you got are out of style! She groaned and pressed on. The other leg. Another foot, another calf, she pulled the pants up to her hips. She buttoned. She zipped. And she sighed again.

Nice ass!
Thanks..., she breathed, elated, you know, you don't see it that often. Most pants I wear brush upon the subject but do not discuss it thoroughly.
A pity.

She danced, she twirled, she leaped high into the air with her new pants. Her new wonderful pants, whose sizes ran too high such that the smaller size was perfectly snug! She was content with the world. She hung up her old blue pants. The ones that were simply too big! and hung them over the door. Reject pile, fat pants! She smiled at her growing buy pile. They were even on sale!

On the wave of good fortune, she reached for the corduroy ones. She vaguely remembered trying these on another time. But she didn't even have to button them. She knew they wouldn't do. Wouldn't do at all.

Pants aren't supposed to hug the calves! the mirror gasped.
If I want your opinion, she scowled, I'll give it to you.

Some things that are going on:

because... you should know.

#1: Over break, I'm babysitting these wonderful adorable twins. They're technically four months old, but they were born prematurely. Developmentally, they're about two months old. Anyhow, actually I just help their mom all day. Twins is a hassle. Plus, they can't play with toys. Nothing amuses them yet, they have to be held/bounced/fed/changed all the time! But they are adorable, and today they had the hiccups, which are like mini-convulsions for them. awwww. but ca-ching also. Not in the sense of I feel bad for how much they're paying me, but that it's like three or four hours every day for most days, so consistency. Anyhow, what does that matter except that I can actually buy christmas presents this year. At least, for my family.

#2: Greg asked out this girl. I don't know what to do. Because he did ask for my approval (but not permission- strike 1!)... but my mom says he's too young to "do the couples thing" but I won't start on that. I promise. Really. Stopping now... new thing!

#3: I want to go to Monterey. For the day. Because it's fun and chill. Aquarium, Cannery Row, beachness. Yes, when I get back from New York I'm taking a day trip to Monterey. I was looking online at all the cool things I can do. I was on the Monterey Bay Aquarium website, watching to otter cam (my namesake, after all!). Then... I decided to switch to the Shark Cam. Now, for those of you new to Lindy, I am deathly afraid of sharks. A previous post you may notice is "#1: sharks" because the underwater TERRORS are my number one fear. Number two is gynecologists, the subject (somewhat) of that post. Anyhow, back to Lindy and her feeble mind. Because tonight, I did not make good decisions. I clicked on the shark cam, and almost peed my pants. They are right above you! They swim up to the camera! THEY ALMOST ATTACKED ME!! Yet I lived to tell the tale. So I will go to the Aquarium, but I will not get near the sharks. Cake or Sharks? Well, I'll have the Cake thank you very much. (That was a reference to Eddie Izzard... yeah...)

#4: He's making a list, checking it twice.... Santa is compulsive.

#5: New York. Ah yes, I should mention this. I am going to New York for Christmas!! Yay!! And there was much rejoicing. I'll try to stay warm... TRY. I'm not sure all that we'll be doing there. We're not going to visit family, just have fun. And be cold. You know, that sort of thing.

#6: I'm tired. My room is messy. I have lots of books to read. I'm not sure about studying in Dublin next year. Maybe I'll have to bite the bullet and do it junior year. which means... no song girls.... *sniffle* They'll get over it. I've researched lots about Dublin and studying at Trinity. Found a program, all that stuff. Logistics- heck yes!!

#7: The Napoleon Dynamite DVD comes out on Tuesday. I am buying like ten copies!! Heck Yes!! I am counting down the days.

If a certain IQ constitutes an "idiot"...

...does a certain height constitute a dwarf? There must be a cut-off there!

Mom: "I'm heating up a heating pad for Thomas- he has growing pains."
Lindy: "John always had growing pains."
Mom: "Yes, he did."
Lindy: "I know! And I never did! I felt so left out... Why didn't I have growing pains?!"

Oh yes, she remembered, tilting her head up to look her mom in the eye, now I remember.

Addams, Partridge, Brady

Today I set up chairs in our family room for a piano recital tonight (it's actually going on right now- I escaped!) We were expecting about 70 people.

Dad: "I never knew we had this many chairs! We should start a funeral home!"
John: "We should start a fire."

Yes, the holidays sure do have a way of bringing everyone home.

my two front teeth

Last night my mom came in my room.

"Lindy, are you asleep yet?"
"Yes."
"Oh, because I want to show you this, but you'll be really disgusted."
"Okay."
"But I mean, you'll think it's gross."
"Show me."

She proceded to show me what she got my dad for Christmas. I can't quite describe it to you directly... put the following images in your head: (1) Michaelangelo's David, (2) your standard light switch.

Let those images swirl around in your head for a while. You'll get it eventually.

#1: sharks

hey guys. so here am i, just in from picking up my little brother. i'm in my room.

dad: "Lindy! when's the last time you got a pap smear?"

so i walk out of my room, thinking, yeah, well i guess that's a good way to get my attention... and i see some random man in my family room at the table with me dad

lindy: "yeah?"
dad: "when did you get your last pap smear?"
lindy: "um, i'm afraid of gynecologists."
random guy (insurance guy): "ha, afraid of gynecologists..." (turns back to paperwork)
lindy: "no sex, no pap smear"

and they went back to their work.

i wash my clothes when they start to smell, sheesh!

so i'm home!!! yay!!! I drove home on saturday. it was foggy. we had in n out. that's about it.

except, i forgot to bring actual shoes home. all i have are reefs. i'll have to wait until my trunk comes home on thursday. dang. my toes are cold. this post is going nowhere.

somewhere: i hung out with my huddle group today!! hooray!! they're as adolescent as ever. but i'm home, which means i can wear whatever i want! today, i wore my nasty green sweater, the one only I love. my huddle group was like, "do you wear that to school?" mwahahahaha! so i wore that, with my pants which i intend to wear for a few days. and tonight i put on my dad's vest and thought, "hmm... i'm too lazy to change" so i went to church with my marathon pants and my dad's grey eddie bauer i'm-trying-to-look-outdoorsy vest. awesome. guys, it doesn't get any better than this. unless, of course, i had an endless supply of eggnog. then we'd be talking!

oh i forgot to mention- i went to to see mallory as lady bracknell in "the importance of being earnest" at m-a! she was INCREDIBLE with a capital N! she was also the only one who delivered her lines in any acceptable manner. i feel like so much is oscar wilde's witty one liners (ex: the "agricultural depression" line- i was definitely the only one who laughed at that...), but a character can't be witty one-liners!! unless, of course, he's orlando bloom in pirates of the caribbean... but i digress... so a lot of the actors (1) didn't ennunciate!! (2) didn't understand the wittiness of their own lines, (3) just didn't have the timing to stress what they should have stressed, (4) i liked it, but there was a lot of improvement to be had. fortunately, the one i came to see, mallory, did everything perfectly and i loved her! i remember a lot more people laughing when i was algernon (yeah all-girls schools drama productions!). so i would like to attribute that to me comic timing, but i think it was mostly on account of the audience members, who knew when the jokes were coming, and called wilde by his first name. me and oscar, we're like this (cross middle over index). yeah, we're tiiii-eeght.

jesus loves the little children of the world...

... which is good. because that makes ONE.

Actually, I think I'm going to be a camp counselor at Mount Hermon this summer, so yes I love them, too. Sometimes... they're just... ineffable. Let me illustrate:

Here I was, looking at over-priced sweatshirts in the bookstore. I was fortunate enough to witness the dialogue between a middle-aged dad and his nine or ten year old son.

Dad: "Who's number 23?"
Son: "some RETARD"

I really don't know what to say. I mean, what a witty way to end a conversation...? Who does this kid think he is? I don't know, it was somehow horrible and enchanting all at the same time.

In other news, I schooled my religion and Core 102 finals. awwww yeah. greek? well... whatever. unimportant!

a note about the new title

hey guys, you may have noticed I changed my title from "Listen to your friend Billy Zane" to "thick description" let me explain...

and no, this couldn't possibly be a procrastination technique... if you're wondering...

So I am actually studying for finals, for my religion final right now. And I'm comparing/contrasting/I sound like an essay question, these seven theories of religion. And one guy, Clifford Geertz, uses the term "thick description". Prior to this, people two many different approaches to religion (well, they still do). One is anthropological (Evans-Pritchard, Frazer, Geertz himself), others are social (Durkheim, Marx to some extent), psychological (Freud), whatever this is not class this is a blog. So, Geertz goes both anthropological and sociological, because he says that simply describing a religious tradition is insufficient, and seeking the purpose of the action is also incomplete. "Thick Description" means describing what physically happened, and interpreting it.

He uses the example of a wink... let's say I wink at you. I might be making a move on you, but I might have dust or something in my eye. And, if you're brave enough, it's up to you to figure that out. And I think Geertz is just brilliant in this distinction. Because he describes how people buried their dead in certain places, and he argues that you can't compare this to a similar tradition in another culture. You have to interpret it first, find the meaning behind it, then you can compare. So yeah, very interesting, I know... you're like, "get back to the two guys who want you but not really!"

So in the best sense I could explain what's going on in my life and also explain what it means to me. But given constraints of time and my own laziness, that may be wishful thinking. I have to study now.

raindrops on roses

these are a few of my favorite things...

#1: I am going to be a song girl. And so i'm enlisting you, readers of my blog, to help me. Call me when you're going to the gym. give me the eeeeevil eye when i'm eating something unhealthy. Please eat the candy my grandma sent me!! This time I'm going all the way. I even registered for a ballet class next semester... but if i have to wear a leotard and tights... well maybe i'm just a wuss- but i'm out of there!

#2: I'm going to study abroad next year, in Dublin. USC doesn't have a program there, which means my scholarship might not cover it. But I'm going to find a program and fight til the bitter end! The Ireland program they have is in Galway, and doesn't have any programs within the University that interest me. Trinity College, Dublin... that would be a dream come true. And all year, one semester isn't going to cut it. I'll work in a cafe as the bestest waitress ever. Why does this appeal to me? who knows... but that's what i'll so. Study, live in a chic apartment, have a gorgeous Irish boyfriend (like in boondocks saints!! i heart those brothers), and work, and have the best time ever. What a great plan. *sigh*

#3: I love Kelly Clarkson. nuff said.

#4: Two boys are fighting over me! Well... sort of. in fact, not really, but just go with it. It's Matias and Alejandro. Alej and I are taking the same econ class next semester...
A: So now, you'll come to lunch with ME, and MATIAS will have to tag along.
M: oh, come on!
A: We're fighting over you.
L: well, not like that...
A: well... we're fighting over your friendship
L: ok. well, you know, I can be friend with both of you. seriously.
Then, I was walking with Mati and Alejandro butted in between us. Competition! And although it's not like that, it's still fun to be fought over, even in the most benign of senses. I'm immature, and it makes me happy that I'm making friends that will fight over me. Although Mati does rugby, so he's always bruised and taped and stuff. In a fight... i don't know.... I'd put my money on Alejandro. let me know what you think. Matias might be more scrappy, though. his rugby nickname is actually Scrappy-Doo... puppy power! gosh i hate that cartoon character. but my nickname for frisbee is Otter... they're hardcore! tearin' apart the sea urchins. my thoughts are so danged random.

#5: KACIE CALHOUN!!!! !!!!!!! more exclamation marks!!!!! So my mom's like, "Kacie Calhoun's at USC" and i'm like, "no! she's not! i can't find her anywhere!" well.... she's a spring admit! and i saw her today when i was going down to get breakfast (yogurt, not a muffin, i'm a song girl now!) I was so excited!!! guys, i haven't seen her since middle school, and she still looks the same (and she's still taller than i am... like all of my friends). She's living in the radisson next semester, and she doesn't drink, and honestly i couldn't be happier! I am so happy I'm finding a friend who doesn't party. a girl friend, i mean. because the whole party atmosphere just turns me off. Of course I still love my friends who party, whether or not they drink. But now we'll be able to hang out, and come from the same place! I don't know if I can express in words how happy I am that she's here. Almost makes a girl not want to study abroad. but no, i will... i am so happy right now! other than finals of course... damn...

#6: whiskers on kittens

"A Walk Outside" (Butterfly Boucher)

ok, so maybe it's unfair to be posting song lyrics all over the place. but it's finals, i'm busy, i've been listening to a lot of music.

Which came first
the love or the love song?
which is more important
in the long run?

Do you really want to talk about it?!
Take it to the back verada
Have a drink and talk around it

In the end it doesn't matter
in the end we all go home
I thought about it for a minute
music's in the kiss we hold

Which came first
the love or the love song?
I'm sorry
I guess I was wrong

Let us find a tune without a sound
find a place that no one's found
pick it up and put it down

In the end it doesn't matter
in the end they all go home
I though about it for a minute
music's in the kiss we hold
Music is a walk outside

Clever lines and clever lyrics
all boil down to what goes in them
If they find life then so do we

Yeah I think we're alive
Music is a walk outside

Think about it for a minute
in the end we all go home
Music's in the things that matter
hear it in the kiss we hold
music is a walk outside

Which came first
the love or the love song?

"Never is a Promise" (Fiona Apple)

You'll never see - the courage I know
Its colors' richness won't appear within your view
I'll never glow - the way that you glow
Your presence dominates the judgements made on you

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch; I see from greater heights
I understand what I am still too proud to mention - to you

You'll say you understand, but you don't understand
You'll say you'd never give up seeing eye to eye
But never is a promise, and you can't afford to lie

You'll never touch - these things that I hold
The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own
You'll never feel the heat of this soul
My fever burns me deeper than I've ever shown - to you

You'll say, Don't fear your dreams, it's easier than it seems
You'll say you'd never let me fall from hopes so high
But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie

You'll never live the life that I live
I'll never live the life that wakes me in the night
You'll never hear the message I give
You'll say it looks as though I might give up this fight

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights
I realize what I am now too smart to mention - to you

You'll say you understand, you'll never understand
I'll say I'll never wake up knowing how or why
I don't know what to believe in, you don't know who I am
You'll say I need appeasing when I start to cry
But never is a promise and I'll never need a lie

joetepe15: joe is soulful, joyful, incrediful

thesimplewinkle: night night snow pea (healthy!)
joetepe15: haha
joetepe15: gnight celery!
thesimplewinkle: DID YOU KNOW: it takes more calories to eat celery than celery itself contains?
thesimplewinkle: that's WAY healthy (what a compliment! i'm flattered!)
joetepe15: hahaha
thesimplewinkle: night (for reals this time) sleep tight spinach
joetepe15: u too
joetepe15 signed off at 12:00:55 AM.

hamster

First off, at 2:06 am my roommate, who had been quietly working on her art project for two hours while I pounded out my LAST ESSAY OF THE SEMESTER, said the following (I was listening to Gavin DeGraw, a.k.a. my future husband):

"Circle... does not rhyme with verbal. You know what rhymes with verbal? Gerbil. Gerbil rhymes with verbal... not circle!"

Then she went back to her work.

Now, she may write the clothes she wears on her calendar (although she has some things right, she's not the one whose guy friends tell her she wears the same clothes all the time... damn you dillon...), but Kathleen is one cool and often funny roommate. Or maybe it was just funny because it was 2:06 am. And my paper was actually making sense!


But why I'm really posting:

As many of you may know, I despise being called names like, "babe" by guys. Even as a joke. I tell them, "I have a name. It's Lindy. Thank you." Last month or so it flared up (the Brent incident), and I finally got over myself. I let Joe call me whatever he wants to (although it's also because I trust him, and know he means absolutely nothing by it). Even tonight when Matias said, "sorry babe" I managed to hold myself back. On second thought... I don't trust Matias that much, as much as I trust Joe... he's a cool friend, and he's a cool person. I'll keep you posted, even though in all honesty nothing will happen.

So anyhow, when I finally got over myself, I began to enjoy the pet names Joe and I exchanged. It's fun to think of new and exciting ones. But I realized tonight a common theme: food. Muffin, pumpkin, sweet pea, honey, honeydew. I also noticed my Freshman Fifteen. To make a long story short, we have begun to call each other healthy food names. for example:

So, spinach, how was your day?
Pretty good, lettuce....
(we talk blah blah blah)
Alright, I have to sleep.
Good night, banana (full of potassium!)
Talk to you later, snow pea

Wow. snow pea is so totally the best healthy food pet name ever! i want to be somebody's little snow pea!! It's like in 'Amelie' when the landlady/french equivalent says she was her husband's "little weasel" and Amelie's like, "I'm nobody's little weasel!" Well, I'm nobody's little snow pea... yet! Just make my day and start calling me snow pea (if you're a girl. That one's pretty unusual and coming from a guy it would be wierd)

Yep, well, that's all the news in south central. hello four hours of sleep!