i can't get no

Three, please, she said to the girl at the dressing room. A "3" tag was brought down and so began the evening.

First were the grey pants. She already had a pair, in "camel". Actually, she didn't know what the color was. It was dark beige. But most stores will name it "camel", or "caramel", or something having to do with coffee. The pants she had bought worked well, so another color might do the trick, too.

It's so hard to find pants, she thought, buttoning the waist, but I know these work...
Splendid! voiced the mirror, I am impressed!
Thank you, she replied. But I already sort of knew they would work. One pair in the "buy" pile.

She pulled the blue pants off their hanger and had a moment of doubt.

These pants are... shiny. Sort of.
Not quite, interjected the mirror, There are shinier out there, if you prefer them.
No. No. I don't like shiny at all. These are like Dickie's chic-ified. On they go.

And she let out a sigh.

*SIGH*

The pants were too big. She would simply have to go down a size. She stepped out of the dressing room.

Excuse me, can I please get these a size... smaller?
Certainly.

She floated back into the room and waited. It seemed like a long time, but she waited in anticipation. Could it be? Had she dropped a size simply by trying on two pairs or pants? The fickle hand of fate was holding hers. And she was on top of the world.

Here they are.
Thank you so much!

Trembling, she unbuttoned her pants. Her regular size... She unzipped and, as loose, baggy, and generally huge as they were, they fell off. She stepped out of them lightly and seized the new pants. One leg in and she felt tremors of doubt. Was she in between sizes? Oh, that was the worst! Because whichever size you get, they don't really fit! And by the time you lose enough weight to get the smaller size, the pants you got are out of style! She groaned and pressed on. The other leg. Another foot, another calf, she pulled the pants up to her hips. She buttoned. She zipped. And she sighed again.

Nice ass!
Thanks..., she breathed, elated, you know, you don't see it that often. Most pants I wear brush upon the subject but do not discuss it thoroughly.
A pity.

She danced, she twirled, she leaped high into the air with her new pants. Her new wonderful pants, whose sizes ran too high such that the smaller size was perfectly snug! She was content with the world. She hung up her old blue pants. The ones that were simply too big! and hung them over the door. Reject pile, fat pants! She smiled at her growing buy pile. They were even on sale!

On the wave of good fortune, she reached for the corduroy ones. She vaguely remembered trying these on another time. But she didn't even have to button them. She knew they wouldn't do. Wouldn't do at all.

Pants aren't supposed to hug the calves! the mirror gasped.
If I want your opinion, she scowled, I'll give it to you.