checks and balances

i had somewhat of an epiphany during art tonight. and by epiphany i mean my thinking that ended up somewhere productive and true, not something convoluted and wrong.

i am BLESSED. i am THANKFUL. and the only way that i can stay how i am, happy with my life and being put to good use by god is to be thankful. i wish i would explain it better. i wish i'd written/painted it all out on my practice pad. but i didn't... i was drawing wisteria.

and i can't function without the things i have: my family, my friends, my intellect and ability to reason. but i can't live without being thanksful for these things, and acknowledging them for what they are. i want to live in truth. i have to seek the truth. i have to acknowledge the truth.

truth: god is good. he is good to me and he is good to you. and his love allows his grace. and i'm covered and surrounded by both.


thank you for my family. thank you for my mom and the godly woman that she is. thank you for giving me an example. i never thought i wanted to be like her until i realized that she is her own person only because of you.

thank you for my friends. thank you for giving me people who hold the same beliefs, who can reflect and strengthen my faith. thank you all my friends, regardless of what they believe about the world, that they are funny and love me and i love them back. thank you for putting me with them.

thank you for my economic position. seriously. thank you. thank you for keeping me close when i start to drift or willingly paddle away. thank you for taking me back even when i told you that's the last thing i wanted.

thank you for my intelligence. and thank you for being with me there. thank you for being all around me. thank you for your word and your faithfulness. thank you for everything. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

thank you for being a god who gives and gives. thank you that i will continue to say 'thank you' as long as i live and breathe. thank you for that knowledge. thank you.


EDIT: ok this is why it came up. i know how to write a virus, i learned in my like 8th week of programming class. and i know all these ways to kill myself and others from materials science (everything is either toxic or carcinogenic it seems...) and i know a lot of other people know how to do those things. but we don't. and everytime i'm thinking mean thoughts i'm like, "no. i am thankful for the world. and for my being here. i'm not going to ruin that." so being thankful keeps me in check and reminds me what's really going.