To: I wish you knew who you were

[in the immortal words of fefe dobson]

sometimes I give into sadness sometimes I don't
sometimes I'm part of the madness sometime I won't
give into you
you see in a way I have been drifting down a river to nowhere
and you're giving me nothing

but if you're ready to be my everything
if you're ready to see me through this time
and if you're ready for love then
this I will bring
but I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time

at times I feel myself smiling at times I'm not
what's with that guilt that you're styling
baby talk don't look good on you
you see in a way I have been looking for a reason to go there
and you're leading me nowhere

but if you're ready to be my everything
if you're ready to see me through this time
and if you're ready for love then
this I will bring
but I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time

are you waiting for a special occasion to give me your heart?
cause I need a little conformation to make a real start
don't wait till it's too late are you ready to show me
are you ready to love me?

you see in a way I have been drifting down a river to nowhere
and you're giving me nothing

but if you're ready to be my everything
if you're ready to see me through this time
and if you're ready for love then
this I will bring
but I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time

it has come to my attention

no i'm not covering up my overly pretensious previous post. but some people ask me why I work with middle schoolers. My answer to them, now, "THEY NEED ME" I return to my computer after church to find the following:

(Lindy's away message)
wolf twentythree: whats the deal!!!
wolf twentythree: stop talking to me
wolf twentythree: 1!!
wolf twentythree: away message!!!
wolf twentythree: ahhhhh!!!
wolf twentythree: you are scary
wolf twentythree: oh
wolf twentythree: wait
wolf twentythree: nothing to be afraid of
wolf twentythree: coast is clear
wolf twentythree: "You can come out now, magic toaster"
wolf twentythree: *toaster crwls out
wolf twentythree: *toaster is scared
wolf twentythree: "come on Timmy, lets go! We have the younge master to save" the blanket says
wolf twentythree: "your right!"
wolf twentythree: toaster says
wolf twentythree: *They charged forward, their mission freshly in their minds

I work with them... because I understand the reference... LONG LIVE THE BRAVE LITTLE TOASTER!!!

"To Will. H. Low" (Robert Louis Stevenson)

preeeetensious!

Youth now flees on feathered foot.
Faint and fainter sounds the flute,
Rarer songs of gods; and still
Somewhere on the sunny hill,
Or along the winding stream,
Through the willows, flits a dream;
Flits, but shows a smiling face,
Flees, but with so quaint a grace,
None can choose to stay at home,
All must follow, all must roam.

This is unborn beauty: she
Now in air floats high and free,
Takes the sun and breaks the blue;--
Late with stooping pinion flew
Raking hedgerow trees, and wet
Her wings in silver streams, and set
Shining foot on temple roof:
Now again she flies aloof,
Coasting mountain clouds and kiss't
By the evening's amethyst.

In wet wood and miry lane,
Still we pant and pound in vain:
Still with leaden foot we chase
Waning pinion, fainting face;
Still with grey hair we stumble on,
Till, behold, the vision gone!
Where hath fleeting beauty led?
To the doorway of the dead.
Life is over, life was gay:
We have come the primrose way.

"learn two languages... ARE YOU MAD?!?"

alright, kids, time for an update. because i am in New York and i know you're all clamoring to hear all about what's going on.

I have heard the phrase "How the hell are you doing?" at least ten times a day since I've been here. I am now convinced that I am in the most antagonistic and generally hostile city known to man. Or at least to me. Or... there was that one time I was in Paris and I was having a really bad day and I tried to speak French, but it just wasn't working, and this guy laughed at me! he was like, "unh huh huh (the french laugh thing)... eet ees a gooood sing I speek-a eenglish? non?" grrrr mean man! ok ok, i'm over it... i. have. moved. past. the. mean. frenchman. *breathe* moving on...

It's cold. It's like 50 degrees today and I am kissing the non-icy ground I walk on. When I arrived at jfk- it was 10 degrees!!! holy crap!!! Ot stayed about 12 degreed all day, and I simply didn't talk. no, seriously. the thought running through my head was, "i actually did not know it could get this cold" my mom would ask me questions or point something out and I would give her this blank stare. That might also, however, have been because I couldn't sleep on the plane. This means I went straight from 7:25 am on Sunday morning to 8 pm Monday night, when I finally got into my hotel room and fell on my bed. I didn't think I could do that, either! Well, I'm an amazing kid, what can I say.

Last thing: we went to ellis island. And our ranger guide guy was creeeeeepy. no. seriously. He never smiled, he spoke in this monotone voice that was like dry humor taken to an unhealthy extreme. monologue snippet: "you know... forty percent of americans trace their roots back to.... this... island. Yes, yes, and I am one of those americans... Proud of it. Is there anyone else... in this room... can trace their heritage back here... back to this very island, back to this. very. room. Anybody... yes, you. yes... yes... and you... Welcome cousins... welcome." ahhhhh!!!! never again will I sit in the front row! his name was douglas, I should've known.

Alright, well now is the the time for me to riiiise and bring myself forth- to- the bagel shop! Where I can get the bagel and lox and the creamy and the lox and the creamy creamy lox lox. yay new york!

i can't get no

Three, please, she said to the girl at the dressing room. A "3" tag was brought down and so began the evening.

First were the grey pants. She already had a pair, in "camel". Actually, she didn't know what the color was. It was dark beige. But most stores will name it "camel", or "caramel", or something having to do with coffee. The pants she had bought worked well, so another color might do the trick, too.

It's so hard to find pants, she thought, buttoning the waist, but I know these work...
Splendid! voiced the mirror, I am impressed!
Thank you, she replied. But I already sort of knew they would work. One pair in the "buy" pile.

She pulled the blue pants off their hanger and had a moment of doubt.

These pants are... shiny. Sort of.
Not quite, interjected the mirror, There are shinier out there, if you prefer them.
No. No. I don't like shiny at all. These are like Dickie's chic-ified. On they go.

And she let out a sigh.

*SIGH*

The pants were too big. She would simply have to go down a size. She stepped out of the dressing room.

Excuse me, can I please get these a size... smaller?
Certainly.

She floated back into the room and waited. It seemed like a long time, but she waited in anticipation. Could it be? Had she dropped a size simply by trying on two pairs or pants? The fickle hand of fate was holding hers. And she was on top of the world.

Here they are.
Thank you so much!

Trembling, she unbuttoned her pants. Her regular size... She unzipped and, as loose, baggy, and generally huge as they were, they fell off. She stepped out of them lightly and seized the new pants. One leg in and she felt tremors of doubt. Was she in between sizes? Oh, that was the worst! Because whichever size you get, they don't really fit! And by the time you lose enough weight to get the smaller size, the pants you got are out of style! She groaned and pressed on. The other leg. Another foot, another calf, she pulled the pants up to her hips. She buttoned. She zipped. And she sighed again.

Nice ass!
Thanks..., she breathed, elated, you know, you don't see it that often. Most pants I wear brush upon the subject but do not discuss it thoroughly.
A pity.

She danced, she twirled, she leaped high into the air with her new pants. Her new wonderful pants, whose sizes ran too high such that the smaller size was perfectly snug! She was content with the world. She hung up her old blue pants. The ones that were simply too big! and hung them over the door. Reject pile, fat pants! She smiled at her growing buy pile. They were even on sale!

On the wave of good fortune, she reached for the corduroy ones. She vaguely remembered trying these on another time. But she didn't even have to button them. She knew they wouldn't do. Wouldn't do at all.

Pants aren't supposed to hug the calves! the mirror gasped.
If I want your opinion, she scowled, I'll give it to you.

Some things that are going on:

because... you should know.

#1: Over break, I'm babysitting these wonderful adorable twins. They're technically four months old, but they were born prematurely. Developmentally, they're about two months old. Anyhow, actually I just help their mom all day. Twins is a hassle. Plus, they can't play with toys. Nothing amuses them yet, they have to be held/bounced/fed/changed all the time! But they are adorable, and today they had the hiccups, which are like mini-convulsions for them. awwww. but ca-ching also. Not in the sense of I feel bad for how much they're paying me, but that it's like three or four hours every day for most days, so consistency. Anyhow, what does that matter except that I can actually buy christmas presents this year. At least, for my family.

#2: Greg asked out this girl. I don't know what to do. Because he did ask for my approval (but not permission- strike 1!)... but my mom says he's too young to "do the couples thing" but I won't start on that. I promise. Really. Stopping now... new thing!

#3: I want to go to Monterey. For the day. Because it's fun and chill. Aquarium, Cannery Row, beachness. Yes, when I get back from New York I'm taking a day trip to Monterey. I was looking online at all the cool things I can do. I was on the Monterey Bay Aquarium website, watching to otter cam (my namesake, after all!). Then... I decided to switch to the Shark Cam. Now, for those of you new to Lindy, I am deathly afraid of sharks. A previous post you may notice is "#1: sharks" because the underwater TERRORS are my number one fear. Number two is gynecologists, the subject (somewhat) of that post. Anyhow, back to Lindy and her feeble mind. Because tonight, I did not make good decisions. I clicked on the shark cam, and almost peed my pants. They are right above you! They swim up to the camera! THEY ALMOST ATTACKED ME!! Yet I lived to tell the tale. So I will go to the Aquarium, but I will not get near the sharks. Cake or Sharks? Well, I'll have the Cake thank you very much. (That was a reference to Eddie Izzard... yeah...)

#4: He's making a list, checking it twice.... Santa is compulsive.

#5: New York. Ah yes, I should mention this. I am going to New York for Christmas!! Yay!! And there was much rejoicing. I'll try to stay warm... TRY. I'm not sure all that we'll be doing there. We're not going to visit family, just have fun. And be cold. You know, that sort of thing.

#6: I'm tired. My room is messy. I have lots of books to read. I'm not sure about studying in Dublin next year. Maybe I'll have to bite the bullet and do it junior year. which means... no song girls.... *sniffle* They'll get over it. I've researched lots about Dublin and studying at Trinity. Found a program, all that stuff. Logistics- heck yes!!

#7: The Napoleon Dynamite DVD comes out on Tuesday. I am buying like ten copies!! Heck Yes!! I am counting down the days.

If a certain IQ constitutes an "idiot"...

...does a certain height constitute a dwarf? There must be a cut-off there!

Mom: "I'm heating up a heating pad for Thomas- he has growing pains."
Lindy: "John always had growing pains."
Mom: "Yes, he did."
Lindy: "I know! And I never did! I felt so left out... Why didn't I have growing pains?!"

Oh yes, she remembered, tilting her head up to look her mom in the eye, now I remember.

Addams, Partridge, Brady

Today I set up chairs in our family room for a piano recital tonight (it's actually going on right now- I escaped!) We were expecting about 70 people.

Dad: "I never knew we had this many chairs! We should start a funeral home!"
John: "We should start a fire."

Yes, the holidays sure do have a way of bringing everyone home.

my two front teeth

Last night my mom came in my room.

"Lindy, are you asleep yet?"
"Yes."
"Oh, because I want to show you this, but you'll be really disgusted."
"Okay."
"But I mean, you'll think it's gross."
"Show me."

She proceded to show me what she got my dad for Christmas. I can't quite describe it to you directly... put the following images in your head: (1) Michaelangelo's David, (2) your standard light switch.

Let those images swirl around in your head for a while. You'll get it eventually.

#1: sharks

hey guys. so here am i, just in from picking up my little brother. i'm in my room.

dad: "Lindy! when's the last time you got a pap smear?"

so i walk out of my room, thinking, yeah, well i guess that's a good way to get my attention... and i see some random man in my family room at the table with me dad

lindy: "yeah?"
dad: "when did you get your last pap smear?"
lindy: "um, i'm afraid of gynecologists."
random guy (insurance guy): "ha, afraid of gynecologists..." (turns back to paperwork)
lindy: "no sex, no pap smear"

and they went back to their work.

i wash my clothes when they start to smell, sheesh!

so i'm home!!! yay!!! I drove home on saturday. it was foggy. we had in n out. that's about it.

except, i forgot to bring actual shoes home. all i have are reefs. i'll have to wait until my trunk comes home on thursday. dang. my toes are cold. this post is going nowhere.

somewhere: i hung out with my huddle group today!! hooray!! they're as adolescent as ever. but i'm home, which means i can wear whatever i want! today, i wore my nasty green sweater, the one only I love. my huddle group was like, "do you wear that to school?" mwahahahaha! so i wore that, with my pants which i intend to wear for a few days. and tonight i put on my dad's vest and thought, "hmm... i'm too lazy to change" so i went to church with my marathon pants and my dad's grey eddie bauer i'm-trying-to-look-outdoorsy vest. awesome. guys, it doesn't get any better than this. unless, of course, i had an endless supply of eggnog. then we'd be talking!

oh i forgot to mention- i went to to see mallory as lady bracknell in "the importance of being earnest" at m-a! she was INCREDIBLE with a capital N! she was also the only one who delivered her lines in any acceptable manner. i feel like so much is oscar wilde's witty one liners (ex: the "agricultural depression" line- i was definitely the only one who laughed at that...), but a character can't be witty one-liners!! unless, of course, he's orlando bloom in pirates of the caribbean... but i digress... so a lot of the actors (1) didn't ennunciate!! (2) didn't understand the wittiness of their own lines, (3) just didn't have the timing to stress what they should have stressed, (4) i liked it, but there was a lot of improvement to be had. fortunately, the one i came to see, mallory, did everything perfectly and i loved her! i remember a lot more people laughing when i was algernon (yeah all-girls schools drama productions!). so i would like to attribute that to me comic timing, but i think it was mostly on account of the audience members, who knew when the jokes were coming, and called wilde by his first name. me and oscar, we're like this (cross middle over index). yeah, we're tiiii-eeght.

jesus loves the little children of the world...

... which is good. because that makes ONE.

Actually, I think I'm going to be a camp counselor at Mount Hermon this summer, so yes I love them, too. Sometimes... they're just... ineffable. Let me illustrate:

Here I was, looking at over-priced sweatshirts in the bookstore. I was fortunate enough to witness the dialogue between a middle-aged dad and his nine or ten year old son.

Dad: "Who's number 23?"
Son: "some RETARD"

I really don't know what to say. I mean, what a witty way to end a conversation...? Who does this kid think he is? I don't know, it was somehow horrible and enchanting all at the same time.

In other news, I schooled my religion and Core 102 finals. awwww yeah. greek? well... whatever. unimportant!

a note about the new title

hey guys, you may have noticed I changed my title from "Listen to your friend Billy Zane" to "thick description" let me explain...

and no, this couldn't possibly be a procrastination technique... if you're wondering...

So I am actually studying for finals, for my religion final right now. And I'm comparing/contrasting/I sound like an essay question, these seven theories of religion. And one guy, Clifford Geertz, uses the term "thick description". Prior to this, people two many different approaches to religion (well, they still do). One is anthropological (Evans-Pritchard, Frazer, Geertz himself), others are social (Durkheim, Marx to some extent), psychological (Freud), whatever this is not class this is a blog. So, Geertz goes both anthropological and sociological, because he says that simply describing a religious tradition is insufficient, and seeking the purpose of the action is also incomplete. "Thick Description" means describing what physically happened, and interpreting it.

He uses the example of a wink... let's say I wink at you. I might be making a move on you, but I might have dust or something in my eye. And, if you're brave enough, it's up to you to figure that out. And I think Geertz is just brilliant in this distinction. Because he describes how people buried their dead in certain places, and he argues that you can't compare this to a similar tradition in another culture. You have to interpret it first, find the meaning behind it, then you can compare. So yeah, very interesting, I know... you're like, "get back to the two guys who want you but not really!"

So in the best sense I could explain what's going on in my life and also explain what it means to me. But given constraints of time and my own laziness, that may be wishful thinking. I have to study now.

raindrops on roses

these are a few of my favorite things...

#1: I am going to be a song girl. And so i'm enlisting you, readers of my blog, to help me. Call me when you're going to the gym. give me the eeeeevil eye when i'm eating something unhealthy. Please eat the candy my grandma sent me!! This time I'm going all the way. I even registered for a ballet class next semester... but if i have to wear a leotard and tights... well maybe i'm just a wuss- but i'm out of there!

#2: I'm going to study abroad next year, in Dublin. USC doesn't have a program there, which means my scholarship might not cover it. But I'm going to find a program and fight til the bitter end! The Ireland program they have is in Galway, and doesn't have any programs within the University that interest me. Trinity College, Dublin... that would be a dream come true. And all year, one semester isn't going to cut it. I'll work in a cafe as the bestest waitress ever. Why does this appeal to me? who knows... but that's what i'll so. Study, live in a chic apartment, have a gorgeous Irish boyfriend (like in boondocks saints!! i heart those brothers), and work, and have the best time ever. What a great plan. *sigh*

#3: I love Kelly Clarkson. nuff said.

#4: Two boys are fighting over me! Well... sort of. in fact, not really, but just go with it. It's Matias and Alejandro. Alej and I are taking the same econ class next semester...
A: So now, you'll come to lunch with ME, and MATIAS will have to tag along.
M: oh, come on!
A: We're fighting over you.
L: well, not like that...
A: well... we're fighting over your friendship
L: ok. well, you know, I can be friend with both of you. seriously.
Then, I was walking with Mati and Alejandro butted in between us. Competition! And although it's not like that, it's still fun to be fought over, even in the most benign of senses. I'm immature, and it makes me happy that I'm making friends that will fight over me. Although Mati does rugby, so he's always bruised and taped and stuff. In a fight... i don't know.... I'd put my money on Alejandro. let me know what you think. Matias might be more scrappy, though. his rugby nickname is actually Scrappy-Doo... puppy power! gosh i hate that cartoon character. but my nickname for frisbee is Otter... they're hardcore! tearin' apart the sea urchins. my thoughts are so danged random.

#5: KACIE CALHOUN!!!! !!!!!!! more exclamation marks!!!!! So my mom's like, "Kacie Calhoun's at USC" and i'm like, "no! she's not! i can't find her anywhere!" well.... she's a spring admit! and i saw her today when i was going down to get breakfast (yogurt, not a muffin, i'm a song girl now!) I was so excited!!! guys, i haven't seen her since middle school, and she still looks the same (and she's still taller than i am... like all of my friends). She's living in the radisson next semester, and she doesn't drink, and honestly i couldn't be happier! I am so happy I'm finding a friend who doesn't party. a girl friend, i mean. because the whole party atmosphere just turns me off. Of course I still love my friends who party, whether or not they drink. But now we'll be able to hang out, and come from the same place! I don't know if I can express in words how happy I am that she's here. Almost makes a girl not want to study abroad. but no, i will... i am so happy right now! other than finals of course... damn...

#6: whiskers on kittens

"A Walk Outside" (Butterfly Boucher)

ok, so maybe it's unfair to be posting song lyrics all over the place. but it's finals, i'm busy, i've been listening to a lot of music.

Which came first
the love or the love song?
which is more important
in the long run?

Do you really want to talk about it?!
Take it to the back verada
Have a drink and talk around it

In the end it doesn't matter
in the end we all go home
I thought about it for a minute
music's in the kiss we hold

Which came first
the love or the love song?
I'm sorry
I guess I was wrong

Let us find a tune without a sound
find a place that no one's found
pick it up and put it down

In the end it doesn't matter
in the end they all go home
I though about it for a minute
music's in the kiss we hold
Music is a walk outside

Clever lines and clever lyrics
all boil down to what goes in them
If they find life then so do we

Yeah I think we're alive
Music is a walk outside

Think about it for a minute
in the end we all go home
Music's in the things that matter
hear it in the kiss we hold
music is a walk outside

Which came first
the love or the love song?

"Never is a Promise" (Fiona Apple)

You'll never see - the courage I know
Its colors' richness won't appear within your view
I'll never glow - the way that you glow
Your presence dominates the judgements made on you

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch; I see from greater heights
I understand what I am still too proud to mention - to you

You'll say you understand, but you don't understand
You'll say you'd never give up seeing eye to eye
But never is a promise, and you can't afford to lie

You'll never touch - these things that I hold
The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own
You'll never feel the heat of this soul
My fever burns me deeper than I've ever shown - to you

You'll say, Don't fear your dreams, it's easier than it seems
You'll say you'd never let me fall from hopes so high
But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie

You'll never live the life that I live
I'll never live the life that wakes me in the night
You'll never hear the message I give
You'll say it looks as though I might give up this fight

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights
I realize what I am now too smart to mention - to you

You'll say you understand, you'll never understand
I'll say I'll never wake up knowing how or why
I don't know what to believe in, you don't know who I am
You'll say I need appeasing when I start to cry
But never is a promise and I'll never need a lie

joetepe15: joe is soulful, joyful, incrediful

thesimplewinkle: night night snow pea (healthy!)
joetepe15: haha
joetepe15: gnight celery!
thesimplewinkle: DID YOU KNOW: it takes more calories to eat celery than celery itself contains?
thesimplewinkle: that's WAY healthy (what a compliment! i'm flattered!)
joetepe15: hahaha
thesimplewinkle: night (for reals this time) sleep tight spinach
joetepe15: u too
joetepe15 signed off at 12:00:55 AM.

hamster

First off, at 2:06 am my roommate, who had been quietly working on her art project for two hours while I pounded out my LAST ESSAY OF THE SEMESTER, said the following (I was listening to Gavin DeGraw, a.k.a. my future husband):

"Circle... does not rhyme with verbal. You know what rhymes with verbal? Gerbil. Gerbil rhymes with verbal... not circle!"

Then she went back to her work.

Now, she may write the clothes she wears on her calendar (although she has some things right, she's not the one whose guy friends tell her she wears the same clothes all the time... damn you dillon...), but Kathleen is one cool and often funny roommate. Or maybe it was just funny because it was 2:06 am. And my paper was actually making sense!


But why I'm really posting:

As many of you may know, I despise being called names like, "babe" by guys. Even as a joke. I tell them, "I have a name. It's Lindy. Thank you." Last month or so it flared up (the Brent incident), and I finally got over myself. I let Joe call me whatever he wants to (although it's also because I trust him, and know he means absolutely nothing by it). Even tonight when Matias said, "sorry babe" I managed to hold myself back. On second thought... I don't trust Matias that much, as much as I trust Joe... he's a cool friend, and he's a cool person. I'll keep you posted, even though in all honesty nothing will happen.

So anyhow, when I finally got over myself, I began to enjoy the pet names Joe and I exchanged. It's fun to think of new and exciting ones. But I realized tonight a common theme: food. Muffin, pumpkin, sweet pea, honey, honeydew. I also noticed my Freshman Fifteen. To make a long story short, we have begun to call each other healthy food names. for example:

So, spinach, how was your day?
Pretty good, lettuce....
(we talk blah blah blah)
Alright, I have to sleep.
Good night, banana (full of potassium!)
Talk to you later, snow pea

Wow. snow pea is so totally the best healthy food pet name ever! i want to be somebody's little snow pea!! It's like in 'Amelie' when the landlady/french equivalent says she was her husband's "little weasel" and Amelie's like, "I'm nobody's little weasel!" Well, I'm nobody's little snow pea... yet! Just make my day and start calling me snow pea (if you're a girl. That one's pretty unusual and coming from a guy it would be wierd)

Yep, well, that's all the news in south central. hello four hours of sleep!