i love fashion magazines. but when i read them, I don't think, "what a gorgeous outfit! I have to go out and get it!" I think, "what a gorgeous outfit!" and end it there. I love fashion because I enjoy it from afar.
I love boys. but when I meet them, I don't think, "what a gorgeous [in all senses of the word] guy! i have to go out and get him! he will be mine!" I think, "what a wonderful guy!" and end it there. i don't crush. i ENJOY! i like it better that way, i can focus on good things and not have to worry about the bad things about a guy!
now, we ask: why is this?
#1: because i don't have the money the figure or the attitude to pull off higher fashion
#2: ... because a boyfriend is somehow out of my reach as well, so i just give up?
and herein lie the horrible conclusions you come to after a late night conversation with kate.
shouldn't i have a much easier and carefree life? i don't have the temptation to believe my life will be fulfilling and complete when i have a boyfriend! that is freedom! but i love other people, and i enjoy them in the least sexual/possessive sense of the word, and nobody enjoys me back. and i seek and relish the beauty in others, and there hasn't been any proof that there's any in me.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears... Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
[1 Corinthians 13: 8-13]
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4 comments:
oh lindy my dear, i hope i didn't inspire such sad conclusions. you are wonderful and beautiful, and unfortunately it appears - as is the case w/ me too - that the only people who appreciate these qualities in us are people who aren't interested in us romantically. oh well. it'll all happen someday.
but you're right, none of us should assume that once we have boys life will be fulfilling and complete. that is something entirely different which can only be achieved through contentment with oneself. which is, i think, actually, is much harder than getting a boyfriend. but since i have achieved neither, who am i to talk? ;-)
kate
au contraire, my sweet!
religious point of view: we are in a broken world, and as humans in a broken state. by broken i mean incomplete and flawed.
so, it's only natural that we look for contentment elsewhere-- because it's not in us at all. we DO have to look elsewhere for contentment and wholeness.
i think contentment with myself only comes as a corrolary of being whole... and then the god talk starts...
now see, here we enter into different belief systems and there appears to be no arguing in this area.
i am one of those people (must be the intellectual peasant background) who believes fulfillment and happiness can only be found in the world around you if you are fulfilled and happy with yourself. of course people look for it outside of themselves, but that is the result of flawed humanity.
in my opinion, any argument that says we can only find contentment outside of ourselves is arguing in favor of greed. because that is precisely what greed is - the search for personal fulfillment, happiness, contentment through money and possessions. and - correct me if i'm wrong - it is a truth universally acknowledged by intellectuals (the stupid people seem to be consistently striving for money in the hopes that it will make them happy) that money won't make you happy. all you have to do is go back to the story of king midas. or, to go biblical on you, the story of the golden calf.
there is another argument in favor of my opinion, and that is the generally applicable statement that people will like you when you like yourself. now this is not to say that the majority of the population is completely content with who they are. but you will notice that the people who seem to be well-liked (after middle school - middle school doesn't count for anything) are those who seem most self-assured, happy, and confident. it is possible to fake these qualities, but i promise that the majority of people who seem to have them are not entirely faking, anyway. take carly, for example. lots of people like her, right? it's not that she's completely confident and happy - she definitely sees flaws in herself - but she has learned not to focus on them. as a general rule, she knows who she is, and she likes who she is, and what other people think cannot sway that, so she doesn't bother caring what other people think. i am no sociologist, but i have thought a lot about this kind of thing, and i've observed many people, and i have found that those people who are happiest with themselves are happiest with their lives and the world around them.
i even have noticed it in myself. i was happiest with myself at several points at castilleja, and - despite the fact that i was overworked and stressed and exhausted - i still loved life. since having come to college, i've lost a tremendous amount of confidence and happiness with who i am, and i can promise you it has affected all aspects of my life.
so, anyway, that's my take on contentment and fulfillment and stuff ;-) hope i was articulate enough and not too long-winded.
(4 hours of sleep, here)
kate
lindy,
i am not profound or religious on the subject at all, nor am i any sort of boy expert, as you well know. All i can say is that i love you and you just have to keep believing that someday the right guy is going to love you too. In the words of amy march (thats little women, bi-otch) "you don't need hundreds of suitors, you just need one... if he's the right one" I know you deserve him and the universe knows it too.
-popples
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