and then i want to work at the womens museum
so i don't want to go to usc anymore- i don't like it at all
or maybe i'll study education
and gender studies
and economics
and i wish there weren't poverty and discrimination against women
or any bad things in the world
so i should study economics and fix everything
but change starts small
which is why i'm in children's ministries in the first place
because they are small
but god is big.
and i want to do everthing!
i want to do it all!
i want to study everything and be everything
i want to wear sweats every day
AND business suits with heels every day
and be all on my own and have a family and friends
i want to be in the big time making real tangible changes
and influencing interest rates
but i want to be small
i guess in the end i just want to be important.
and i can't decide for myself what is the most important
or what is best for me to do
because i get so easily confused.
and then eventually i remember that god has a plan for me
and i have to trust that it's a good one.
but it can take me a long time to remember that
so in the mean time i freak out and start filling out transfer applications
or get intimidated by the world and eat some otter pops
and i'm even intimidated by the blue otter pops
le sigh. god has a plan for me. but i wish i knew what it was. then it would be easier for me to trust he's going to be good to me and take care of me. i don't like fending for myself in the world, it sucks and is overwhelming. but i'm glad i remembered he has a plan for me. i can leave my class schedule alone now and watch reno 911.
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2 comments:
the way i see it, whatever you choose to do with your life, that's god's plan for you. so if you choose to freak out, that's part of it. if you choose to change everything, that's part of it. if you choose to sit back and go with the flow, that's part of it too.
now i don't personally believe in things being preordained, because i don't like to think that i don't actually have control. but having a destiny can just mean that you're going to be happy. well, wait, i'm tired and this last paragraph makes no sense. the first one was good though.
kate
i think we've had this conversation before. and i don't want to type everything out.
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